I love using well-known snippets of romantic wisdom shared by famous Sufi and poet, Rumi, as a reminder to return to my practice in certain situations. Given we left off on the topic of love, and Rumi held interests in love, let's start with:
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to find all the barriers within you that you have built against it."
Are you one who is seeking love and not finding it? In a relationship with a partner, but feeling neglected and unloved? Investigating how one is operating out of unconscious/conscious beliefs and perceptions and doing "spot checks", to help us from saying things we didn't mean to say, with a tone that was unkind and implicating guilt; or out of another type of fear - acting needy out of desperation - or the opposite out of pride. None of these are helpful, and there are many other ways to spur problems like rolling stones.
It is empowering to come from vulnerability, compassion, and humility. Not holding onto a need to be right, a need to prove something, or a need to have security or self-esteem because we believe we will have what we need to feel peace within. Whether internalized beliefs from difficulties early on in life, or developments in the relationship itself, it is important for all to own the responsibility and look into what your motivations and attachments or aversions are. What things you attach yourself to or against in terms of your partner or the one you want to find?
Everyone can benefit from the practice of looking deeply within to see what role you play. If you find yourself looking at the differences and not the similarities, it's a sign to check your thinking. The basic truth can often can often make things a lot easier for everyone. If you can find acceptance how does that feel? Think of something you are grateful for in this situation, then if possible one more, does it feel the same? We suffer when we fight ourselves - and others.